It may seem strange that a married lady like me should decide to write an article on Christian single women. I must confess that I lack the credibility but strangely, I have this burden in my heart that will not go away. What finally prompted me to write was what transpired at a wedding ceremony some months back.

It was a beautiful wedding and the following was read to the couple. "It is not good for any of us to be alone for God created us for each other. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

A friend sitting next to me leaned over and asked, "What about the singles?"

That did it! I decided to start doing some homework. I drew up some questions and e-mailed them to some of my Christian single women friends. Not everyone responded but I am grateful for the help and cooperation of three of them. This article is based on the female perspective but if the Methodist single men would like to give theirs, do write.

God's original purposes in the Garden undermined
Marriage was designed by God to reflect His glory and His creation purposes. Genesis 1 & 2 tell of God's original purposes for man. When Satan stepped in and caused Adam and Eve to disobey and sin against God, it was the beginning of the great disruption of God's perfect plan for men and women. That, together with our rebelliousness, has resulted in an imperfect world. The fallout from that on the marriage relationship is reflected in divorce rates going up. And many singles have decided against marriage as they witness the growing number of hell-on-earth marriages. Some couples have even chosen to live together without entering into the commitment of marriage.

Brainwashed into marriage?
The significance and acceptability of singleness has been overshadowed by the pro-family traditions of many cultures and races. In these cultures many young girls were and still are infused with the idea that one of their goals in life should include marriage.

They are told that marriage will ensure happiness and fulfillment. As a result of social pressure and misconceptions, some women end up settling for partners who are less than the best that God has intended for them, believing the lie that the husband and children will 'complete' them. Another fallible, sinful human being cannot 'complete' us. Our identity and self esteem should be based on the sure foundation of Christ's love for us, who died for us and count us as heirs with him.

Generally, it is not the parents who insist that their daughters find life partners for they do not want to put them through unnecessary pressure. It is the "kay po" or interfering relatives and friends who tease and put undue pressure. Chinese singles are the target of comments if they are still 'eligible' to receive ang-pows on Chinese New Year. Friends and relatives make in-sensitive comments like, "Make sure that you do not qualify to receive ang-pows next year!"

There will be times when they try to match-make. While there is nothing really wrong with their well meaning attempts, they have to do this sensitively without putting both parties in awkward and embarrassing situations.

It is interesting to note that the Word of God does not teach that marriage in itself should be the highest goal in life. It is merely an earthly arrangement for our earthly living and not an eternal state for we are reminded by the words of Jesus "You are wrong, because you know neither the scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven." (Matt. 22:29-30). We are all living in the light of eternity. Whether we are single or married, what really counts is the way we live our lives, sensitive to and fulfilling God's purposes for each one of us.

Being single and human
Do singles miss the warm embrace of a man? Do they on occasions find men attractive? Of course they do, for it is the normal and natural desires that God has given us. On those very rare occasions when they watch TV or read books on romance and intimacy there surfaces the sense of missing out on something in life, a sense of loneliness and even emptiness.

At a time like this, they call up friends, go out or workout in the gym. Such feelings are fleeting and will go off and God's sovereign goodness can be trusted. Such moments are seldom and far in between for our singles are too busy most of the time.

Giving oneself to others
Whether single or married, one of the important areas in our lives is relationships, our relationship with God and with one another. As we do that, a good lesson to remember is that we give ourselves to others without expecting anything in return. I was privileged to attend my friend's 60th birthday celebration. All her siblings, nephews and nieces came for it, to express their love. There was even a power point presentation of her life. What a joy to be there!

Within the church family itself, among friends and relatives, give yourselves selflessly, extend and express love to those around and the returns are boundless!

The Lord has his plans and purposes for each one of us. His ways are mysterious and beyond our mere human comprehension. As such, one never knows at which age He intends to bring two people together, whether at 20 or 70 years of age.

I would also like to thank all the dedicated and committed single women who are faithfully serving God to His glory. These are the single women who are free of preoccupations on "how she can please her husband" and who "live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Cor. 7:34-35).

Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God and both are valuable and needed in helping God to accomplishing His purposes. All that He wants from us is our faithfulness!

Lily Ch’ng